Hearing the “Homosexual” Voice

If you grew up anywhere near the Evangelical church, you’ve probably heard the Christian cliché, “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” It may surprise you, but these words aren’t found anywhere in Scripture. They certainly never fell from Jesus’ mouth. Nevertheless, this concept has found pride of place in many of the on-the-ground ethics of good Christian people.

Now, while I think that the impetus behind this idea is an admirable one, I don’t believe this bumper-sticker theology actually delivers on what it promises.

In fact, it seems to me that this idea can easily stand as a roadblock to a genuine posture of love towards another human being because it reinforces the unhealthy human tendency to separate and divide. Upon meeting another person, it immediately encourages us to analyze them and discover what is “worthy” in them and should be celebrated and, conversely, what is “unworthy” and should be “hated.”

This seems odd to me.

Furthermore, this critical posture of analysis hardly engenders authentic life collaboration between two people as friends. If my worst parts are despised by a friend, then I’m in critical danger of feeling deep loneliness and separation in our relationship. This is true even if it’s not my friend’s intention to hurt me. Even if they have the purest of hearts and truly will my good, I will inevitably feel unknown in those areas of my heart.

Being unknown is being unloved.

This discussion adopts a peculiar poignancy when applied to the homosexual dialogue. Desperate to stay faithful to the teaching of Scripture[1], many Evangelicals strive to live by the hate the sin, love the sinner principle in this arena, but with devastating consequences.

More often than not, their actions result in the homosexual community feeling more and more misunderstood and more and more unknown. This climaxes in the greatest irony of all: by attempting to “love” homosexuals, many Evangelicals actually foster experiences of hate towards them![2]

I think a lot of this would change if we could begin to open our hearts (and doors) more to the voice of the homosexual community. I’ve been exploring this idea myself for the past year and it has been transformative.

You see, when the abstract homosexual becomes a concrete Homo sapiens things begin to look a little bit different. You’re no longer dealing with cold ideologies or impersonal logic. You’re face to face with a real human being. A true Thou to your I.

Coming face to face with another human being immediately confronts you with the narrative of their life – their personal history. Entangled in that history (as in your own history) are the complex movements of love, fear, joy, disappointment, achievement, etc. all oscillating together to form the person you have before you. This complexity transcends the elementary distinction between sin and sinner.

Beyond the rhetoric (of both sides) stands a person. A person dearly loved and cherished by God. A person desperately wanting acceptance and appreciation. A person yearning for a place. It is to our deep shame as Evangelicals that we’ve trampled this honest human craving on so many occasions and preferred to perpetuate unloving actions.

In the past, I’ve suggested that as followers of Christ, we are to be an “open people that willingly incorporates others into our lives and gives them…a place” (Here: www.spaceforthedivine.blogspot.com/2013/07/trayvon-martin-george-zimmerman-and.html).

For the homosexual community, this starts by giving ear to their voice.

As Fr. James Martin has said, “for the church to love gays and lesbians more deeply,” it would begin by “listening to their experiences – all their experiences, what their lives are like as a whole.”

Maybe, just maybe, as we give ear to their voice, they will start giving ear to ours.

If you don’t have any practice giving ear to the homosexual voice, try starting by watching this video. As best as you can, look for the deep longing in each of these gentlemen’s hearts. Identify with their desire for intimacy. Instead of looking for something to condemn, look for something admirable; perhaps even something you might hope for in your relationships.

---

[1] I do recognize that there are extant pro-homosexual interpretations of Scripture – especially regarding the “classic” passages that deal with homosexuality (i.e. Leviticus 18; 20; Romans 1; 1 Cor. 6). However, I remain unconvinced that any of these pro-homosexual interpretations of Scripture are exegetically robust. Nevertheless, I remain open to any honest discussion of the matter.

[2] In another blog, I hope to explore the nature of sexual identity and how that factors in here. Suffice it to say, the distinction between the “sin” of homosexuality and the homosexual person is not as clean cut as some might think. Sexuality has an overwhelming capacity for defining our identity. So much so that condemning homosexuality feels (to the homosexual) like a condemnation of their personhood.