Jesus Lessons From My Daughter’s Life

I’m convinced that each new stage of life ushers in abundant opportunities to understand the Christian story at even deeper levels.

Marriage certainly took me to school regarding selfless love, commitment, and sacrifice. It’s taught me the virtues of kindness, gentleness, and openness and galvanized the resolve I have for intentionally pursuing a safe and emotionally secure space at home. These are lessons I continue to learn and re-learn (and sometimes re-re-learn).

I’ve learned the good of getting your hands dirty (literally) with the earth during my landscaping days. It was then that I fell in love with caring for the earth and bringing beauty and color to otherwise bleak, empty ground.

It was in the crucible of four jobs, seminary education, marriage, and church responsibilities that I learned the value of capitalizing on time for Kingdom work.

However, the newest stage of my life has afforded me opportunities for making sense of the Christian story in far greater ways than any of the others.

Fatherhood.

It’s the storybook role where you shape and mold a little person, but the truth is they’re actually shaping you.

One recent event proves this point. 

A few days ago, I gave my dear wife the day off. I sent her out the door after Naemi went down for her morning nap and I was determined to pull off the best daddy-daughter day in history. I planned out a super-sweet Chic-fil-a date and some killer playtime – crawling included! I packed up the dad-approved diaper bag and laid out Naemi’s coat and hat. I had previously made sure to transfer the car-seat from the van into the backseat of my car. The veggie puree was in the front pocket of the diaper bag ALONG WITH a spoon (learned my lesson there!).

I was ready.

It was about this time that the little gal woke up.

So I popped upstairs and retrieved her from her crib. I changed her diaper and outfitted her with a clean bib (seriously this chic still drools like a troll).

I started heading downstairs and then I realized that I had spent so much time preparing Naemi’s things that I had forgotten to get myself dressed. Dad’s boxers and a t-shirt were not the best apparel choice for such an epic daddy-daughter date!

I quickly turned around and headed back up the stairs and into the bedroom.

It was at this point that I was faced with a decision:

Option A: Try to continue holding Naemi and figure out a gymnastically unparalleled way to dress myself.

Option B: Set Naemi down for a moment and brace for the impending protest.

I decided to go with Option B.

The aftermath was remarkable. Like clockwork she protested and cried and couldn’t figure out in her little mind why I would ever do such a thing!

It was the next words out of my mouth to her that profoundly impacted me.

I said:

“Don’t be scared. I’m not going to leave you.”

I’m not going to leave you.

I’m not going to leave you.

Words that I spoke in a quick attempt to comfort my little daughter, reflect the same promise of the God revealed in Scripture.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Heb. 13:5)

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deut. 31:6)

The Christmas season marks this truth with even more poignancy. Jesus Christ – the Messiah sent from God – is Emmanuel (God with Us). He has forever joined Himself to the human race with deep bonds of love.

Truly He will never leave us.

He has not abandoned us and He will never abandon us.

I wish I could promise such faithfulness to my daughter. I wish I could tell her that I will never fail her. I wish I could tell her that I’ll always be there for her. While that will always remain my goal with her and all the other children God blesses us with, I realize my own frailty and brokenness.

I’ll certainly fail. But I set my eyes on the one who will never leave her and I beseech Him for the grace and strength to care for her as deeply and consistently as I can.

If you’re wondering, the rest of the daddy-daughter date went fairly well. We successfully went to Chic-fil-a. We successfully got back home and had some playtime. We successfully (both!) went down for a nap.

I realize that these moments with Naemi will be few. I won’t be able to hold her darling little body in my arms forever. I won’t be able to sneak daddy-kisses from her forever. I won’t be able to crawl around on the floor with her forever.

BUT….

I will always carry with me the lessons that Jesus is teaching me through her. Truly her short 8.5 month life has helped me know Jesus even better than I did before.

For that I am eternally grateful.  

Representing the Family...

When I was a kid my parents would periodically remind me that I represented the family when I went out in public. My actions were a reflection of what my family was all about. While I like to think that I always did my parents proud, I'm sure there were occasions (only a few of course!) when my behavior failed to represent the values and preferences of a Christ-honoring family. Childhood excitement and teenage angst are respectively quite powerful factors!

Nevertheless, I'm grateful for the lesson that I learned through my childhood years: public behavior should reflect familial values and commitments. 

On a much grander scale, I think we see this same principle play out in the Old Testament. Early on in the book of Deuteronomy as Moses recounts the instructions of Yahweh to Israel, he makes an interesting statement:

"See, I have taught you statues and rules, as the Lord my God commanded me...Keep them and do them, for that will be your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples, who, when they hear all these statutes, will say, 'Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.'" (Deut. 4:5-6)

As it turns out, the Israelite people had both personal and public motivations for following the instructions of Yahweh. Not only would they be life-giving for their community, but they would also serve as an apologetic of sorts to the surrounding nations. The nations couldn't help but recognize that Israel was a "wise and understanding people" who served a righteous and attentive God (Duet. 4:7-8). Ultimately, Israel's actions in the public realm were meant to reflect the nature and attributes of our great God.  

Similarly, Christians of today are instructed to "Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matt. 5:16). Our actions and attitudes (should!) represent the family we come from. Indeed, our daily life is the stage on which God's "family-values" find their most important expression; not merely in our words, but in our deeds (James 2:26). 

I don't think we should be overly harsh on ourselves when it comes to areas where we don't quite reflect God's character. Just like any naturally adopted child, you would expect it to take time to learn the new family's way of life. The key is to stay committed to the learning curve! 

By God's grace, may we continually learn the ways of God's family to spread his glory to the nations!

Grace and Peace.

Why I Love Being A Dad

I’ve officially been a dad to this little munchkin for five months now and it’s been the most amazing treat!

Truth be told, I’ve been so busy experiencing parenthood that I’ve had little time to reflect on the deep joys of the parenting journey. This blog is an attempt to reconcile that. What follows are a few of the things that I love about being a dad.

1) I love that she loves.

I know I’ve mentioned something like this before, but I just can’t get over how delightful Naemi’s smile is. Judy and I sneak into her bedroom each morning just so we can catch her joyful face as she coos in her crib. The instant she spots us, she lights up with a cheek-to-cheek grin and you can tell in those moments that (however much it’s possible for her) she loves.

I don’t know how that’s possible, but it’s true.

2) I love that she grows.

I remember back to when Naemi was only weeks old and couldn’t do a single thing for herself – save voiding her bowels. Now she sits up, plays with toys, rolls back and forth, babbles, etc. While these advancements make me a little bit sad, I also can’t help but feel so much love for her. What an amazing process! Growth and development is a beautiful reality to watch unfold.

3) I love that she relates.

While Naemi’s social life is understandably limited, Judy still makes sure that Naemi gets time with other little munchkins. It’s the coolest thing to watch her stare at her little friends and try with all her might to “talk” to them. What’s going on inside her little mind? What does she want to talk with her little peeps about? Breastfeeding? Bright colors? Dad’s dorky faces? Whatever it is, her spark of interest in others and desire to communicate always warms my heart.

4) I love that she sleeps.

I know a lot of moms might read this one and hate me, but give me a chance to explain! J While Naemi does sleep “reasonably” well (I’m afraid to jinx it!), I’m referring more to the manner in which she sleeps: peacefully. There’s nothing like a cute little munchkin sleeping in her crib. Soft cheeks. Serene expression. Relaxed arms and legs. I love it! Judy and I both actually do. So much so, in fact, that we often sneak into her bedroom before we go to bed just so we can look at her.

I’m so grateful to be a dad. It feels simultaneously like the hardest and easiest thing in the world. Perhaps some of you dads know what I mean when I say that.

Here’s to the future and all the memories to come!

Hope for a Hurting Peter Pan

In a matter of minutes, we lost the man who anchored many of our childhood (and adult) imaginations.

We lost “The Pan”.

We lost “Mrs. Doubtfire”.

We lost “John Keating”.

We lost “Reverend Frank”.

We lost “The Genie”.

There are many things that could be said regarding this tragedy, but what should be said?

Now is not the time for scathing rhetoric on how suicide is a choice. Yes, great job Matt Walsh. You observed something a 6-year-old gets and touted it as some novel discovery.

Now is also not necessarily the time for euphemistic quips about “freedom” or “peace”. Theologically speaking, death apart from Christ is neither peaceful nor free.

Nevertheless, a little imagination might afford each of us the proper things to speak in this situation.

Imagine feeling empty.

Imagine feeling not just empty, but dry.

So dry that your heart could shatter almost instantaneously if provoked.

Imagine feeling boxed in with no one to turn to.

Imagine feeling that box squeezing down around you.

So constrained that your body is hardly mobile.

Imagine aching from the deepest part of your inner life.

Imagine that same ache, but with no outlet for release.

Maybe imagining a minute-to-minute existence in this state will get us all a little bit closer to understanding how The Pan felt in his final moments.

As I’ve been reflecting on this broken situation, I can’t help but think a few different thoughts.

1) Though robust fulfilling life is available to all, it is not appropriated by all (for various reasons).

Jesus said that he has come to bring life (abundant life even!), but I’m reminded of numerous people in the Gospel writings who were offered the life-giving message of Christ and (for whatever reason) decided not to accept it. This truth shouldn’t surprise Christians. Of course there are people who reject the “complete package” of Christianity.

A more confusing issue, however, are those who DO accept the abundant life offered by Jesus and then find themselves struggling with depression and/or having suicidal thoughts. What’s gone wrong here?

It seems to me that it does no good to simply assert that people will never be tempted beyond what they can bear. Yes, that’s a truthful assertion made in Scripture.

However, that truthful assertion made in Scripture needs to be paired up with the truthful assertion made by an individual’s struggle. The truth of Scripture meets the truth of a person’s situation.

It is only at these crossroads that a pastoral, gentle understanding of Gospel truth can make any sense in the real world.

The truth of the matter is that depression and other psychological/“soulish” maladies are complicated, multi-source phenomena. These are not matters to be glossed over with light platitudes or ripped apart with ferocious prose.

Certainly the God of Scripture can speak into these maladies and bring healing and hope, but whether or not that is appropriated and/or how it is appropriated is another matter.  

2) Christians should be more attentive to “absorbing” the pain/sadness/maladies around them.

Depression (and it’s sometimes nasty consequences) is a terrifying and painful thing to experience. Call it a disease. Call it a choice. Call it whatever you want – it’s horrible.

So what did our great example (Jesus) do with the horrible, pain-saturated world around him?

He absorbed it all.

Ultimately, he completely absorbed it in his sacrificial death as he took away the sins of the world. But he also absorbed the profound brokenness of an off-kilter world.

He absorbed the pain and brokenness of a woman who had bled for years and years.

He absorbed the pain and brokenness of a mother who lost her child.

He absorbed the pain and brokenness of a demon-possessed child.

In some real way, by using his physical body and touching people, Jesus took upon himself to bring healing and hope to those he crossed paths with.

The Scripture makes it clear that we are now Jesus’ body in the world (i.e. the body of Christ). I’m convinced that means that we should be about the business of absorbing the pain around us. We’re messengers of hope, right? I’m not saying we should adopt some odd “savior-complex” where we try to fix everything around us. But I am saying that our eyes and ears should always be attentive to those around us in order that we (as Jesus’ body) might bring life to a hurting world.

3) It’s fair to accompany grief with fond memories.

Grieving for the loss of another is always a delicate process. With the passing of Pan many of us are in that grieving process – even if we didn’t know him personally.

And I think it’s ok to celebrate his influence on our life. For many of us, we can’t separate his shenanigans from our childhood. He made us laugh and helped us imagine the world in a different way.

It’s worth bringing up these fond memories. To not do so would be a great shame.

So, I do grieve the passing of Robin Williams.

But I also remember his goofy smile and quick wit.

I remember his heartfelt devotion to his craft.

I remember his many successes (most of which are downstairs in my DVD drawer).

Furthermore, I pray.

I pray that the mercies of Christ’s grace and love were appropriated to him at some point. I pray that somewhere in his darkest moments Jesus met him and held him and offered him life.

I only wish that I could have been the hands of Jesus to him and offered him a comforting hug and words of hope and life.

Mark Driscoll: A Story and Some Suggestions

Early on in my college days I felt a little bit adrift on the sea of life. I was stuck trying to find the answer to one question: What did it mean to be a man?

Along this journey, I was introduced to the sermons of a heavy-hitting pastor from Seattle: Mark Driscoll. His up-front and in-your-face style of preaching captured my attention. I had never heard anyone teach with such vigor and passion before.

I remember listening to his sermons on what it meant to be a man and, while I was a bit alarmed by some of the things he said, I was excited that someone was finally helping me navigate the uncertain terrain of emerging adulthood. His clarion call to leadership and outward strength seemed right to me at the time. Even if it wasn’t spot on with everything, it gave me some vision for a path forward – something to “grow into” as I yearned to become a good man.

I spent hours listening to his sermons while I exercised, worked, and drove.

And then…

I stopped listening.

I’m not exactly sure why I did, but I did. Perhaps I had finally transcended my Kierkegaardian Ethical stage (the philosophy nerds can enjoy that joke).

The reason I’m relating this story to you is to suggest that I’ve had my own “complicated” relationship with Mark Driscoll. I’ve gone back and forth on whether I think he’s a prophet for a new generation or a pompous windbag spilling bad theology.

Whenever I read stories like this one that The Stranger ran in 2012 I’m more persuaded to the latter.

This week’s discovery of some viciously choice words by Driscoll under the pseudonym of William Wallace II further suggests to me (in the words of Rachel Held Evans) that Driscoll is “severely disturbed”.

Nevertheless, I’m not particularly interested in lowering the gavel on whether or not God has actually called Driscoll to ministry or whether his ministry is doing more harm than good.  Furthermore, I’m not interested in judging someone on the words they wrote/said almost 15 years ago. While I have my thoughts on the matter, I’m more interested in reflecting a bit on the nature of spiritual leadership in light of Driscoll’s more authoritarian model.

1) Spiritual Leadership is Sensitive to the Situation

One of the things that I’ve been consistently bothered by is the often cookie cutter approach to leadership that Driscoll and his compatriots exemplify. It’s as if they believe that complex life situations can be filtered through a pre-determined set of protocols that will produce the “godly” outcome that they desire. Two of the most significant issues that Driscoll and other Mars Hill leader do this with are homosexuality and gender roles. While these issues do have appropriate answers, the way you get to the answer is just as important as the answer itself. A genuinely attuned spiritual leader will not force all delicate situations through the same series of steps. They will be sensitive to the situation and craft a way forward that attends to the unique details of each context and issue. It bothers me that a lot of people are trying to become little Mark Driscoll’s and handle life the way HE thinks is best while forgetting to become little Christ’s and adopt his multi-faceted application of instruction.

2) Spiritual Leadership is Strong but Gentle

I think this is the leadership principle that cuts the divide between those who absolutely love Driscoll and those who hate his guts. Driscoll is preeminently strong in the way he delivers his instruction. Even though his “angry-young-prophet days” are over, he still touches down like a tornado in a trailer park when he preaches.

I get it. That’s his “thing”.

But whatever a Christian teacher’s “thing” is, it should be reflective of the whole of what Jesus showed regarding being a teacher. Yes, Jesus overturned the tables of the moneychangers in the Temple (Matthew 21), but he also declared that he was humble and gentle at heart (Matthew 11:29).

We can learn from this that there is a time and a place for all things as a teacher. It is thoroughly inappropriate to adopt an imbalanced approach to a teaching ministry. It’s wrong to be too humble and gentle, but it’s just as wrong to be too strong. The Golden Mean is what we’re looking for (another philosophy allusion for you philosophy nerds) and I’m afraid that Driscoll hasn’t learned what that looks like.

3) Spiritual Leadership is Instructive not just Insistent

Our day and age is filled with people looking for passion. It’s often misconstrued as the mark of a person worth following. For some reason, people tend to flock towards those who are charismatic and engaging. It almost doesn’t even matter if they have any real substance to their message – they just need to be PASSIONATE!

While I think that Driscoll does sometimes use Scripture merely as a prop for his next rant, I’m not specifically commenting on that here. What I want to suggest here is that genuine spiritual leadership is instructive not just insistent. What does that mean?

Well, first off, it means that a Christian teacher should go beyond the “what” and the “why” of their message and explain the “how”.  It’s not enough to just insistently tell people that they need to change their behavior. It’s incumbent on the teacher to explain what that process of change might look like.

1 Timothy 1:5 says that the goal of instruction is love – and love is worth explaining. What does it look like to love someone else? You can tell me 5 ways to Sunday that I need to love someone, but what does that mean?

If leadership is merely insistent, then it is failing the people. Leadership should first and foremost be instructive.

………………..

In the future, I do hope that Driscoll and the other leaders at Mars Hill church will come to realize some of these important elements of spiritual leadership. It doesn’t look promising as of right now, but thankfully God is an involved party in this debacle.

So for now we pray.

May God grant us all grace as we seek to do his will and love him with our whole hearts.