Creation and Covenant: The Significance of Sexual Difference in the Moral Theology of Marriage

An compelling talk on the relevance of sexual difference by Christopher Roberts professor of ethics at Villanova University.

If you have the time, I recommend giving it a watch.

Happy Father's Day to all the #4 Dads!!

Photo via www.chatterblock.com

This is a special day for me: my first father’s day.

I’m starting it off by snuggling with the little one that has introduced me to the world of fatherhood. She’s currently having the longest and most enormous wake-up stretch routine that I’ve ever seen.

Gosh she’s cute.

Since starting this journey of parenting 10 weeks ago, I’ve come to have a whole new level of respect for parents. It’s quite the task! The joys of parenting (or glimpses of beauty) are certainly there, but the depths of frustration are certainly present as well.

I’m telling you. Your sinful tendencies are never so evident as when you’re trying to put a 1 month old back to sleep at 3am and all she wants to do is scream in your face.

Let me know if you find a solution other than trading places with the sleeping spouse and hoping they have some hidden reservoir of kindness. Seriously. Write me.

Judy and I recently read a story about some new parents that got together for a dinner one evening. As the couples trickled into the home, one of the dads walked in wearing a t-shirt that said, “Number #4 Dad!” After the expected amount of joking about the shirt, all the other dads shared that that is exactly how they felt about their parenting capacities.

They didn’t think they were the worst dad in the world, but they certainly weren’t the #1 dad.  Try as they might, they fell somewhere between mediocre and alright.

I can totally relate to that.  Although, at 3am I’d even be happy to slide into the 8^th or 9^th overall dad rating.

But you know what? I think that’s ok.

I’m really grateful for the story of the #4 dad and I’m grateful for all the men who have opened up to me about their experience as fathers – both the good and the bad.

I think real fatherhood happens in those mediocre moments when all you can do is ask for God’s supernatural strength. When your overall dad-rating is plummeting and you can’t stop it.

That’s real life.

And by golly, I want to live a Dad-in-Real-Life sort of life; not some trumped up Facebook-ized, idealistic sort of life. I want the crappy, 3am, end-of-the-rope, (sometimes) gasping for air sort of life.

Why?

Because in those moments, my character is built. When you have nothing left, where do you turn? Your answer to that will tell a lot about you.

It’s been said that sloth is not just laziness, but laziness in regards to love. We want all the benefits of love without fulfilling the obligations of love. As a dad, I’m often tempted towards sloth in regards to my little one. Sometimes it just feels too difficult to be gentle or too overwhelming to be patient, so I get lazy.

Christ have mercy.

Ever so slowly (and with painful intentionality), I’ve started trying to open my 3am experience to the Holy Spirit and seek his strength to love my little one. When I actually do it, it’s an amazing thing. My hands transform into the gentle arms of Jesus. My chest becomes his bosom for my little one to lay her head on. My voice speaks his words of comfort and peace to her little heart.

That’s the good stuff.

But right now, it takes me getting to the end of my rope to experience that. So I’m grateful for being the #4 dad. Because when I am, beautiful things can happen.

Here’s to all the fathers out there! By God’s grace, may we press on to be Dads-in-Real-Life.

Glimpses of Beauty Beyond the “Fog” of Fatherhood

People weren’t kidding when they said that the first few weeks of parenthood were hard. Sleepless nights coupled with the steep learning curve of a new baby combine into a dangerous cocktail that pushes the limits of sanity. They call this (quite appropriately) the “Fog”.

Trust me. It’s crazy.

Our little person is just over 8 weeks now and I’m finally starting to reassemble my mental life. Although, if you ask Judy, there is still a long way to go.

In the meantime, I’ve stopped to reflect on some of the indelible glimpses of beauty that I’ve experienced over the past few weeks. These are some things that (as a dad/husband) have touched my heart.

1. Baby smiles

These are probably one of the most precious gifts a new parent could ask for. They’re even better when they come at 3:15am and the parent is exhausted from waking up every 2-3 hours. Emi started giving us the most beautiful smiles a couple of weeks ago and somehow they make the explosive bowel movements, crying, and weariness all the more bearable.

2. The “new-car” scent of a new family

Children are born, but families are intentionally crafted. They are forged in the crucible of daily life. I can’t help but notice the “newness” that is our family. Each day that goes by we’re threading the realities of our stories together in new ways and that is truly beautiful. At this point in our journey, we still have that new-car smell and I think that’s just great. It indicates that we’ve (to push the metaphor) driven off the lot and are down the road a couple of miles, but that we’ve still got a lot of road ahead of us. More road = more possibilities. More possibilities = more beauty.

3. A Mom and baby

One of the most beautiful things to me is to see Judy and Naemi together. Whether they’re nursing, snuggling, or just sitting together, their connection is an incredible reality. Perhaps it’s the intangible love coursing between their physical bodies or maybe it’s just the nature of the relationship between gentle caregiver and helpless dependent. I’m not sure what it is exactly, but I know that I like being around it. It seems to me that that is what beauty does. It draws you to itself.

4. An inquisitive little person

Naemi likes to be held, but (at this point) she only likes to be held in a particular manner – facing forward and sitting up. I think it’s wonderful to watch her little eyes soaking up the surrounding world and seeing new things for the first time. In fact, I think it’s beautiful. Then her head lilts to the side and drool starts pouring out of the corner of her mouth and the sublimity of the moment is lost, but her (albeit) brief moments of inquiry are striking and inspiring.

5. Baby trust

I don’t know about you, but it’s been a long time since I’ve fallen asleep while being held in someone’s arms. Perhaps that’s just a nasty side effect of my 6’ 2” frame. But I can tell you for a fact that Naemi fell asleep in my arms just yesterday morning. When I look down at her in my arms (which, by the way, are screaming for mercy due to her 16.5 lb. body), I cannot help but sense her absolute trust in me. She’s so comfortable and at peace that she’s able to fully entrust herself to my care. That is a beautiful thing.

6. Blessings from our priest

Judy and I worship at an Anglican church. Part of the liturgy requires that we proceed to the front in order to partake in the Eucharist. While I think this is a wonderful thing for a number of reasons, it struck me that it’s really a beautiful thing for our little family. Judy and I and Naemi get to proceed up to the front together as a family and receive the good gifts of Christ’s blessing. This manifests in the bread and wine for Judy and myself and the hand of a priest on Naemi blessing her and praying for her.

I could keep going, but I’ll stop there for now. Suffice it to say, I’m a blessed man and I’m looking forward to the future with all the robust life experiences contained therein.