No, You Shouldn't Just "Man-Up" to Your Lust

There are about a million and a half blogs out there challenging men to stand up, grow a pair, and live well.

These blogs cover everything from how to treat a woman, how to work hard at your job, how to fix your car, etc. 

Especially in Christian circles, these blog-based exhortations tend to focus on the high moral calling appropriate to "being a man." I'm willing to bet that any Christian guy in his twenties or thirties can just about quote Matthew 5:28 (...not looking at a woman lustfully...), 1 Cor. 10:13 (...no temptation beyond what we can bear...), and 2 Peter 1:3 (...everything we need for life and godliness). 

I'm also willing to bet that those same guys who know those verses wonder why they still have a difficult time battling the seemingly ever-present demon of lust. Didn't you pray really hard this morning not to be tempted? Why can't you seem to divert your eyes? After multiple cycles of transgression, repentance, commitment, and steely application of will, these same guys end up getting tired. Is moral purity really just about "man-ing up" to lust? 

Unfortunately, the frustration doesn't stop there. Wherever you go, there always seems to be "that guy." I think you fellas know who I'm talking about. The one guy who always seems to have it all together. It's like they don't even know what sexual desire is. They seem to have attained some superhuman sexual equilibrium where all their thoughts all the time are completely pure. 

Most of the exhausted guys I've met seem to react to "this guy" in one of two ways: 1) they try to befriend him in hope that his unusual nature might somehow rub off on them or 2) they get even more discouraged by how easy mental purity is for him and are tempted to just give up. 

Well, in light of this, I thought I'd share a story with you. This story comes from the tradition of the Desert Fathers and I think sheds the most interesting light on the journey towards sexual purity. 

Gentlemen, may God be gracious to you and strengthen you. May his peace fill your heart and may you be encouraged by this story. Meditate on it. Allow the Lord to use it to encourage you. 

Ladies, I hope this story softens your heart to your man. Trust me, he loves you and wants to honor you. But retraining the soul is an often complicated task....and one that requires great mercy from God and time. So, pray for your guy. Your consistent, unconditional love can be one of the most transformative powers in his life. 

And now.... the story:

"There was a certain brother who was most zealous in ordering his life. And when he was grievously troubled by the demon of sex he went to a certain old man and told him his thoughts. When this expert heard, he was indignant and called the brother a miserable wretch unworthy of the monk's habit to entertain such thoughts. 

The brother, hearing this, despaired of himself, left his cell and began to go back to the world. But by the mercy of God, Abba Apollo met him, and seeing that he was upset and unhappy he asked him, "Brother, why so sad?" 

In great confusion of mind he was at first unwilling to answer, but in the face of much questioning by the old man as to what the matter was he at last confessed, saying, "I am bothered by thoughts of sex, and I confessed to that old man and according to him there is no hope of salvation for me, so in despair I'm going back to the world." 

When Father Apollo heard this he talked and reasoned with him like a wise physician, saying, "Don't be too dumbfounded, or despairing of yourself. Even at my age and state of life I can be greatly troubled by thoughts such as these. Don't collapse in this time of testing; it can be cured not so much by human advice as by the mercy of God. But just for today grant me one request: go back to your cell." 

This the brother did. 

Abba Apollo, however, hastened to the cell of that old man who had sown despair and, standing outside, prayed the Lord, "Lord, Who allows us to be tempted for our good, turn the battle which this brother has suffered against this old man, that in his old age he may learn from experience what he didn't learn long since: that you must have compassion on those who are troubled by this sort of temptation." 

Having completed his prayer he saw an Ethiopian standing by the cell casting arrows against this old man, who, severely wounded, began to stagger about here and there as if drunk with wine. Unable to bear it any longer the old man rushed out of the cell and began to return to the world by the same road as the young brother had taken.

But Abba Apollo, knowing what was happening, met him, and running up to him asked, "Where are you going? And what is the reason for the agitated state you are in?" 

But he, sensing that the holy man knew all about what was happening, could say nothing for very shame. 

"Go back to your cell," said Abba Apollo, "and acknowledge your own weakness, recognise it as part of yourself. For either you have been overlooked by the devil up till now, or else despised as being so lacking in virtue as to be unworthy of striving against him. Did I say 'strive'? You weren't even able to put up with his attacks for a single day! But all this happened to you because when that young man was attacked by our common adversary, instead of giving him helpful advice against the devil as you ought, you drove him into despair, forgetful of that wise precept by which we are bidden to save those on a pathway towards death and neglect not to redeem the condemned. Nor have you heeded the sayings of our Saviour, 'A bruised reed he shall not break, and a smoking flax he shall not quench'. No one can withstand the attacks of the enemy, or quench and contain the fire of rebellious nature, unless the grace of God comes to the aid of our natural infirmity, which in all our prayer we beg God in his mercy to heal in us, and that He may turn away from us the attacks launched against us, for it is of Him that we are cast down and again restored to the way of salvation, it is He Who strikes and then heals us with His hands, He humbles and exalts, He kills and makes alive, He leads us down to the depths and raises us up again". 

Having said this he prayed, and at once the old man was freed from that battle. 

And Abba Apollo urged him to seek from the Lord a tongue of discretion, so that he might know when the time was right for giving a sermon."

(Vitae Patrum, Bk. 5, Verse 4)

Meaning Making, Neuroscience, and Christian Theology

Delicately suspended between the fragility of birth and the suffocating imminence of death, human beings are faced with the enormous responsibility of making meaning out of their existence. What does it mean to be alive? What is actually worth living for? Furthermore, who can I trust to tell me what’s most important? How can I discern if their guidance is best? While I wish that I could answer all of these important questions for you and provide you with some manner of existential peace, I cannot. However, the following is a brief investigation of the idea of “meaning making” itself. I’m hoping that examining the nature and process of how we organize and make sense of the world will provide helpful clues on our common journey of understanding what life is all about.

What follows is a bit of neuroscience, a dash of theology, and, hopefully, a halfway competent attempt at integration.

A Bit of Neuroscience

Up until the 1960’s it was generally believed that the post-childhood brain was essentially immutable. Once it developed (for better or for worse) you were set that way for life. Sure you had some dissenters from this theory, such as William James who, in his 1890 publication The Principles of Psychology, argued that: “Organic matter, especially nervous tissue, seems endowed with a very extraordinary degree of plasticity” (Plasticity here referring to the ability of neural pathways to remap). Nevertheless, the majority of 20th century psychologists proposed a much more static model of the brain.

However, as more research on this topic was done, it became clear that James may have actually been on to something. Several studies in the 1960’s showed that the brain was in fact capable of “rewiring” itself after significant brain trauma (such as a stroke) had occurred. A number of the people who participated in these studies eventually regained a remarkable degree of dexterity and brain functioning after their physically traumatic experiences. This has led psychotherapists such as Babette Rothschild to conclude, “The human brain is, for the most part, malleable – programmable and reprogrammable – in its organization. It is highly responsive to external influences.”[1]

This exciting phenomenon (called “neuroplasticity”) has gained quite a following in recent years among doctors and researchers alike. You can even see a popular manifestation of the “neuroplasticity” infatuation with the Lumosity website (www.lumosity.com) where exercises are “engineered to train a variety of core cognitive functions.”

All right, so what does all this brain plasticity mumbo-jumbo have to do with meaning making?” Well, let me see if I can make a couple of connections for you.

A person is born with (at least) two essential features: 1) a physically open and self-organizing processor and 2) a prewiring to relate to other persons.[2]  Right from the get go human beings are interacting with the world around them. They are seeing colors and shapes. They are hearing sounds. They are feeling textures, etc. All of these phenomena are being assimilated into their brain and they are fighting to make sense of it (i.e. meaning making). They are essentially attempting the process of self-organizing – putting the world together into a complex whole.

As this self-organizing process continues, a narrative begins to form. Over time, a child develops a story about how the world works and how to make sense of her various life experiences. She understands the “meaning of the world” according to this story. Often times, these stories can prove to be deficient in various ways, but the point is that these narratives exist.

The reality of neuroplasticity actually provides great hope here. For example, if a person happens to have poorly self-organized the world and concludes that extraordinary actions such as eating glass are appropriate and useful to their flourishing, they can eventually lay down new neural pathways that conclude otherwise. Their patterns/habits of thinking are not permanently set in stone (or perhaps, “in brain”) – it can learn to make “new” meaning.

Ok, so we now know that the brain can effectively be retrained. We can re-pattern our neural pathways. Hold on to that idea, we’re going to come back to it when we get to the section below on integration. But for now, let’s briefly examine what one narrative (i.e. story of life) has to say about changing the way we think.

A Dash of Christian Theology

Even a cursory read of Scripture suggests that a rigorous “life-overhaul” is in order for the Christian convert. Having been called out of darkness in marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9), one typically retains a lot of “residual darkness.” This is the reality behind Paul’s direction for us to put off the old man and put on the new (Eph. 4:22). We’re daily retraining our minds (Rom. 12:2) to understand the world according to the new reality of God’s Kingdom.

Furthermore, our formation into Christlikeness appears to never be a fait accompli in this life. Jesus instructs his disciples to daily take up their cross and follow him (Luke 9:23). This seems to suggest to me that as long as there are “days” we must press on towards Christ. Paul reminds us that God, who began a good work within us, will carry it on to completion until the blessed day of the Lord (Phil. 1:6). Again, this suggests that the process of transformation is a life-long endeavor.

If this truly is the case – if we really have an on-going, “mind”-changing transformation – then it seems to me that advances in neuroscience might be able to help us understand how some of this process works. Now, before I talk through some integration attempts below, I want to make it clear that I do not want to minimize the reality of the Spirit’s work in our transformation into Christlikeness. Surely his presence and power are the efficient cause of all our transformation (Romans 15:16). Nevertheless, I am interested in exploring the phenomenological human experience of transformation and it seems that neuroscience/meaning making can offer some scintillating food for thought.  

So, bearing that in mind, let’s now turn to some attempts at integration.

Attempting Integration

First, it strikes me that Christians can easily become confused. They are torn between two stories: 1) the Divine narrative and 2) the World narrative (I recognize that there are a multiplicity of stories in contrast to the Divine narrative, but for sake of convenience I’ve reduced them to the general category of “the World”). Who wins in the fight? What do I do when my life experiences seem to make better sense in the World narrative? This is where I think pastors and Christian leaders need to do a better job of translating human experience according to the Divine narrative. I’m convinced that God’s story can account for the plethora of human experiences, but this variegated reality is often flattened out for ministerial purposes, etc. It’s imperative that Christian leaders give their people the requisite tools for the process of meaning making. Thankfully, even if these tools haven’t been appropriated, all is not lost. Remember, the brain is capable of adapting and changing (thanks neuroplasticity!), so regardless of the past, the focus should always be on integrating/organizing each person’s personal story along the arch of the Divine story.

Second, I think that the Holy Spirit, as an agent, brings a new dimension of personal interaction to the fore. Remember, I said that human beings are equipped with two basic things when they’re born: 1) a self-organizing process and 2) a prewiring to relate to other persons. Christians, having been restored to relationship with God, have another person to interact with who can influence their meaning making process: the Holy Spirit. We are not left to our own devices. Rather, Jesus sends us the Spirit to guide us into all truth (John 16:13). I think understanding the process of meaning making as an interpersonal reality compels us deeper into a relationship with the Spirit (as well as other persons) to make sense of all of life.

Finally, I think understanding meaning making as a developmental process helps Christians set reasonable goals for transformation into Christlikeness. The Romans 12 injunction to be transformed by the renewing of our minds is an on-going reality that will take time. Our entire world needs to be interpreted according to a different story – that doesn’t happen overnight. So, never stop striving to like Jesus, but don’t be overly discouraged when incorrect (sinful?) thought patterns that you’ve habituated for a long time seem to persist. You’ve spent a long time interpreting the world one way. Give yourself time to reimagine the world the way God sees it.

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[1] Babette Rothschild, The Body Remembers (New York: W.W. Nortion & Company, 2000), pg. 16.

[2] Warren S. Brown and Brad D. Strawn, The Physical Nature of Christian Life: Neuroscience, Psychology, and the Church (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2012), pg. 88.