Emerging Adulthood

Emerging Adulthood:

(or) How the myth of “what you’re supposed to do” stalls you out until you don’t care anymore and just pick something.

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here is a growing body of psychological literature that sketches a view of the “Emerging Adult.”  This is a social category of persons anywhere between the ages of 19 and 29 who no longer fit in adolescence, but fail in one way or another to fill out the elusive category of adulthood (what exactly is this “adulthood” anyway?).   Emerging adulthood is the age of becoming; a discovery of who you are; a differentiation between your niche and everyone else’s. During this period a person unwraps the mystery of themselves and finds their proper place in society (or so they say).  It usually involves a delay of taking on responsibility, an exploration of a variety of careers, and an almost palpable anxiety about “choosing the wrong path.”

This new social category strikes older generations as a bit strange.  I heard a story recently that captures this quite clearly.  Once while speaking with his grandfather, a professor friend of mine mentioned his frustration concerning his son who refused to commit to any particular life path.  His grandfather chuckled and said, “When I was young, I didn’t have any problem knowing what I’d do. I started driving a team of oxen when I was 5 and I kept at that my whole life.” This charming anecdotal story speaks quite strongly to the differences that even 50 years can make when it comes to forecasting your life. The panoply of perceived options proves debilitating for the Emerging Adult.  She’s left wondering, “It seems like that grandfather hardly had to think twice about what he’d do. Why can’t my life be the same? Instead I’m faced with 100 different options. What do I choose? What should I become?”

Well, whether or not you believe Emerging Adulthood should even exist (let’s just posit for now that it does), I think we can all agree that something needs to be done about it; there needs to be some movement forward. I’m just as humored and bothered as the rest of you by the stereotypical male, college graduate who lives in his parents basement and plays video games all day or the female twenty-something who is off on another year long adventure at another job trying to “find herself.”  We all know this gets ridiculous at some point and something needs to change.  Toward that end, I think it will be helpful to examine two myths that are often circulated around this topic of discovering identity.

[I think it’s important to note here that I don’t t believe this category of Emerging Adults applies de facto to all 19-29 year olds. In fact, I know a good number of respectable, hard-working, faithful, responsible adults in this same age bracket. Nevertheless, I think what follows will be helpful for that group as well (God-willing, myself included) as we envision what life could be.]

Myth 1: I Can Be Anything I Want To Be

I regret to burst your bubble, but this is just flat out wrong. You can’t actually be anything you want to be. How about an illustration to make this clear? Let’s consider Billy. Billy is 20 years old. He’s trying to determine what to do with his life. He’s tried a couple of jobs, he even went to college for a year, but he just can’t seem to find that one thing that he’s supposed to do. Well, Billy’s parents (being kind and loving parents) told him his whole life that he could be anything he wanted to be when he grew up. Billy remembers his parent’s encouragement and decides that he wants to be a professional baseball player.  So, he goes and tries out for the Boston Red Sox even though he hasn’t played a day of baseball in his life. Obviously he doesn’t make the team. He leaves tryouts dejected and chalks this up to another failed attempt at discovering what he’s supposed to do.

Well, obviously this is only an illustration and it suffers from the same hyperbolic bloat that many illustrations do.  But I think it illustrates the point I’m after. Billy is not in fact able to be anything he wants to be. For Billy, “anything he wants to be” includes the idea of being a baseball player. Unfortunately, Billy is actually incapable of becoming a baseball player. Why? Because Billy doesn’t have the proper capacities for the sport.  Perhaps you’ll say, “Well, this is clearly an improbably situation. Nobody in their right mind would attempt to be a baseball player if they hadn’t played a single day in their life.” True.  But how often do analogous situations play out in everyday life? How often do people genuinely believe they can succeed in something without the requisite capacities?

I can imagine an objection at this point. Couldn’t the notion of infinite horizon still be true, but just dependent upon acquiring the necessary capacities? I have two things to say here. First, I might be more open to this qualified sense of “infinite horizon.” However, remember that as soon as you take a step towards Option A you take a step away from Option B. Billy can’t pursue being a professional baseball player and a banker at the same time. To do either one of those well, he will need to devote his time and energy to developing the requisite capacities of that career.  Second, I would add that there seems to be some things that, regardless of how hard a person tries, are just impossible for them to attain. We’ve all heard those bands that really should give up their dream about becoming the next U2.  Their hearts are golden, but their fingers are lead. I digress.

Emerging Adults need to realize that what is open to them is limited. As soon as they step towards one option, another option closes. But this isn’t a bad thing! It’s a real life thing.

Myth 2: There Is One Thing I’m Supposed To Be

I think this second myth is particularly frustrating for Christian Emerging Adults. We’re supposed to live life with purpose. Right? We’ve been commanded: Don’t Waste Your Life! We’ve gotta get on this personal identity thing….like yesterday! Let me just help you relax for a moment. Guess what? The reality is, there isn’t actually any “one thing” you’re supposed to be or do.

            Again, I can hear the wash of objections popping up in your head. What about God’s will for my life? What about “THE PLAN”? Well, have you ever stopped to think about “the plan”? Have you ever noticed that your life up until this point has been deeply embedded in the cultural and social variables of your environment? You probably didn’t decide to go a high school that was two states away from where you parents live. Why? Because you were reasonably restrained by the reality that a high school existed two block away from you. The fact is, our physical, emotional, and spiritual location determine quite a lot in our lives.  I think the advent of exorbitant amounts of technology has dimmed our understanding of this reality. Our ability to “know” about opportunities around the globe might cause us to forget our limitations and seek meaning in unattainable goals (see discussion above).

            At the end of the day, “the plan” will include something – some vocation. You inevitably will do something along the timeline that is your life. But I think identity prescription is a retrospective tool; something that is valuable only when thinking back on your life. You can only know what you were supposed to be after you have become. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but it strikes me somewhat intuitively.

What does this mean for the Emerging Adult? It means they can stop worrying about what they should be. As if that is some transcendent metastructure exists that they need to cram their life into and stress out about. It means that they are free to discover themselves….FREE! This is the beauty of life. You have been given freedom to find yourself! This is an especially beautiful reality for the Christian because part of their spiritual location includes the ministry of the Holy Spirit and the Church. These two realities provide an extra set of variables that non-Christians do not have on the journey of becoming.  They uniquely aid in directing the individual towards a life filled with meaning and purpose by confronting them with the reality of God’s kingdom.

Undoubtedly there is much more to be said about these issues. However, I hope these few thoughts might inspire conversation among Emerging Adults as they (we) attempt to figure life out.