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you have spent any amount of time around Evangelical churches, then you
probably know that there is tangible confusion about what to do with
homosexuality. Most (if not all) Evangelical churches concur that homosexuality
is somehow contrary to Divine intention for human sexuality, but after that
point there are differences regarding what to do with it. Some say you can “pray
the gay away” and so they pour effort into exorcising the demon of
homosexuality from any whom it claims. Others try to dismiss the homosexual
individual as some aberrant form of human too far gone to really be redeemed. Still
others – being utterly confused about the whole issue – just hope and pray that
they never have to interact with a homosexual and wriggle their way through
social situations where there might by any opportunity for contact.
Unfortunately,
it seems to me that most of these tactics lose sight of the paramount detail concerning
homosexuality: the person! At the end of
the day, whether a person is homosexual or not, they are still a person. They
are not a project. They are not too far gone. They are not to be avoided like
the plague. Realizing this to be the case, I started asking myself, what would
it mean to have a homosexual Christian experience? What are the joys and the
struggles of such a journey? Can God be glorified and honored through a
homosexual Christian?[1]
Over
the course of a recent vacation, my sister let me borrow the book Washed and Waiting (Zondervan, 2010) which is a memoir of sorts
written by Wesley Hill – a homosexual Christian and Assistant Professor of
Biblical Studies at Trinity School for Ministry.
Many
good things came from reading that book, but there were several things that I
think might be beneficial for the Evangelical church at large to wrestle with
when it comes to the homosexual experience – especially as we seek to
understand what it might be like to live as a homosexual in the Kingdom of God.
1) Loneliness
Hill explains that the homosexual Christian
experience is desperately lonely at times. Imagine not being allowed to find
the love of your life because your sexual orientation is at odds with God’s
intention for sexuality. Imagine never being able to experience those loving
moments at home with your sweetheart when you curl up on the couch at night and
read a book together or make dinner for each other or just go on a walk holding
hands. Imagine feeling like a project for other Christians to fix. Imagine
never being able to fulfill the deepest desires of your heart. When put in
these terms, it seems like homosexual Christians are some of the most
courageous people one could ever meet.
2) Disappointment
Another aspect of the homosexual Christian
experience that stood out to me from Hill’s book is how he often felt that God
was disappointed with him. He explained how he would wake up and just feel like
God wasn’t happy with who he was. At the level of his sexual identity, he was
incongruent with God’s ideal. It has taken him a long time to learn how to
maintain a belief that God actually loves him even when he feels dirty or
disapproved of. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to live with such a tense relationship to yourself and to God.
At
the end of the day I do not condone homosexual practice – I don’t think I can
given the historical teaching of the church and witness of Scripture. However,
I do admire, appreciate, and respect any and all homosexual Christians who
daily take a stand to live their lives in submission to the Gospel message; who,
knowing that they may lead lonely and difficult lives, still willingly submit
their sexuality to the loving Shepherd of their souls. These are the people of
great strength. These are the people who know God’s sustaining power in unique
and beautiful ways.
Furthermore,
I think believers need to start broadening our understanding of what a “Christian”
experience should or could be. We need to learn to accept and stand with
homosexual Christians who are truly willing to love God with all their heart,
soul, mind and strength. We need to remember that a homosexual Christian
experience is often one of loneliness. We need to remember that a homosexual
Christian experience is often of feeling that God is disappointed in you. Our
homosexual brothers and sisters need our loving presence not our awkward
distance. They need our tender awareness not our uncoordinated attempts to fix
them.
[1] At
this point I do not want to argue for the validity of a homosexual Christian
experience. However, I do think a homosexual Christian experience can occur as
a homosexual person – realizing their homosexuality – seeks to submit
themselves in totality to the authority of God and his revealed intentions.
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