Virtuous Conversations?

 “The virtue of man will be the state of character which makes a man good and which makes him live well.” (Aristotle, Nico. II.6)

“All who are able, may gain virtue by study and care, for it is better to be happy by the action of nature than by chance.” (Aristotle, Nico. I.9.)

W

hat is a virtue? Historically, philosophers would have understood it to be (as Aristotle notes above) a state of character. A good person is one who possesses a state of goodness. A kind person is someone who possesses a state of kindness. And, while many people lack virtues, they can be learned and appropriated through intentionality and practice. As Aristotle says, these can be acquired by “study and care”.   

Kind of makes sense, right? A bad person who does a good act is not a good person. In order for them to truly be considered good, then “goodness” needs to be part of their character. 

I think this concept makes sense when it comes to living a life of Christian virtue. In order to truly be a Christ-like person, an individual needs to habituate Christ-like virtues. Obviously the Holy Spirit plays an integral role here, but it is not the purpose of this post to parse out all those details. Suffice it to say, virtues are states of character that can be acquired through practice and time.

As I reflected on these thoughts, I couldn’t help bust ask, “What if the idea of virtue could be applied more broadly? How might virtues extend to other areas of life apart from the strictly moral?” One area in particular struck me as pertinent and I thought I would share that with you.

The Virtues of a Conversation

Whether we like it or not we all have to talk to other people. Depending on our place of employment or stage of life, some of us end up talking a lot more than others, but we all converse to some degree. Unfortunately, it seems that most of us also assume that we’re good at talking. How could we be bad at it if we do it all the time, right?

Well, I’ll let you decide whether or not you’re good at conversing with those around you, but here are several “virtues” that I came up with as I thought about what might describe a virtuous conversation.  This list is by no means exhaustive, but I think it’s representative of what I imagine good conversations should be characterized by.

1) Patience

I would like to suggest to you that the first virtue of a conversation is patience. This means that all parties involved in the discussion are slow to attend to each other. There is not talking over another person or “steam-rolling” to get your point across. Each individual is carefully given the time they need to make their point before others share their ideas. This virtue allows for true understanding of the issues and hand and gives each participant space to genuinely express their ideas.

2) Precision

This one may seem like a no-brainer, but I think it’s worth stating. A virtuous conversation is one in which the content of the conversation is transferred from sender to receiver with clarity and accuracy. This virtue may in fact be one of the most difficult to attain. It requires the transmitter to fully understand the content they way to give out and it requires the receiver to properly “decode” the transmission. Questions come in handy here! This virtue allows for true communication to take place and assures each party that they have successfully exchanged ideas.

3) Peace

Third, virtuous conversations are characterized by peaceful correspondence. Now, I don’t think this requires everyone to agree about the topic, but I do think it calls the participants to a place of charity for one another. While the people participating in a conversation characterized by peace may end up on opposite sides of the discussion, their mutual placidity should remain. This virtue allows for disagreement to occur while maintaining some level of charity towards the other participants.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Do you agree/disagree? Do you think virtues can even be applied to conversations? What virtues do you think would be applicable to our conversations? Do you buy into the idea of virtues at all?

Blessings!

Dave

For further reading:

Tim Muehlhoff and Todd Lewis, Authentic Communication: Christian Speech Engaging Culture (IVP Academic, 2010).